When you  work  with people, you spend most  of  your  day communicating  with  others-- either  by  your words  or  your behavior.    If  you have problems  communicating-- with  supervisors, coworkers, patients or  their family members--you  can't  run  away from them  or  hope  that staying  silent  will  make the problem  go away.   If you  do, you are being  passive. Some  people think  that  in order  to be nice you  must  be passive.    They  don't  want to cause  trouble  and  they  always "turn the  other  cheek".   They never say  "no" to a  friend asking a  favor,  but they  are too  ashamed  to  ask  for help themselves.   What happens to these  "nice"  people?   Their own  rights are not  respected.   They tend to get  pushed around by others since  they never stand  up for themselves.   Let's look  at an example: John,  a  muscular  young  nursing assistant,  frequently  gets  asked by  his  coworkers  to  help  them transfer  patients.    John  never says  "no",  but  because  of  this, he  can't    get  his  own  work finished  on  time.    His  supervisor has  written  him  up  for  not doing  his  work. Why  do you  think  John continues this  behavior?   Perhaps  he  is afraid  his coworkers  will  get mad  at  him if  he  doesn't  help  them.   Maybe  he was  taught  that men  should  always help  with the "muscle" work.   What should  John  do?    Stop  helping his  coworkers?   Not necessarily.   He  could  explain that  he is  having trouble getting  his  own  work done and  that  he will be  glad to help  if they  will  help him  with another  task in  return.    If  his coworkers  don't  agree  to  this, John  should  learn  to just  say "no". Often,  passive  people can develop  a  "hidden"  anger.    They are  tired  of  not being  respected, but  they don't  know how to be assertive.   Instead,  they become quietly  aggressive.   For  example: Mary  is  caring  for  a  difficult patient  who  seems  to  criticize everything  she  does  for  him.   Mary  stays  quiet,  accepting  the criticism,  but  she  feels  angry inside.    When  Mary  gets  home, she  yells  at  her  husband  for  no reason. This  is an example of  passive- aggressive  behavior.    Mary is not respecting her  husband's rights...or  her  own.   And,  it  gets her  nowhere  since  the  patient will  keep  on criticizing  her!   What  could she  do  differently?   Mary could  try  to understand what makes  her patient  so critical.   Is  he  tired  of  being sick?   Is he  lonely  and  afraid  of dying?   Does  he hate  being  too  weak  to care for  himself?   Mary  could  try to  talk  about  these  things  with the  patient, showing him  that she  respects  his feelings and asking  him  to  respect  hers. Understanding Passive Communication   Passive  people  don't  ask for  help  when  they  need it...  they  just  let themselves  get overwhelmed. How  to  Avoid  Being  A    Passive  Communicator 1.  Don't apologize  for things  that  aren't your  fault. 2.  Say what you mean.   Don't "beat around the bush".   3.  Don't be ashamed to ask for  help. 4.  Don't  always  say "yes" when  you want to  say "no". 5.   Don't allow  others to  make all  your decisions for  you. 6.   Don't look  at the floor when you  talk to  people. 7.   Don't slouch or slump,  even if you  feel scared  or  frustrated. 8.   Try not to  use words like  "maybe",  "I  guess  so...", "Don't  bother...",  "Would you  mind  very  much?", "It's  not  really  important..." 9.   Don't let your voice sound  like you're whining, whispering or hesitating. 10.  REMEMBER...TREATING  YOURSELF  WITH RESPECT AND  DIGNITY IS A GIFT YOU GIVE YOURSELF!